The Aerie
No, nobody has died or is dying that I am aware of.
I was riding the train this morning listening to my iPod shuffle (a most excellent device in so many ways) when "Sonic Reducer" (3M mp3) came up in the queue. It's a punk rock song featuring my late friend, Moldy.
I was reminded when I stood there on the crowded train of how I could not believe or accept the idea that Moldy might die. I remember thinking how angry I would be if it happened. And I am.
And I'm angry about my friend Joe, and I'm angry about my Dad, and I'm angry about my birthfather Ralph, and I'm angry about my mentor Dr. J.
And I realize that it's silly and selfish to think that their deaths had anything to do with me, but from my point of view it seems like many of my male friends or mentors have been taken from me. Because my childhood was spent being beaten by boys, I don't have many male friends to begin with, so having them die off like this makes me angry. I know, I know, it's not about me - their deaths were central to their own lives and those of their immediate families. But still.
I've had an e-mail from Joe's widow in my inbox now for months, asking me to send her a copy of an old Super-8 film that Joe and I made as boys. I have been delaying and delaying, but it's about time I got to it. It's silly and blurry and brief, but I owe Joe that much.
Listening to Moldy on my iPod reminded me of that. Listening to him joke with friends of his that I didn't know reminded me of how many friends he had grown to have over the years. Made me think of my own life and how I'm using it, or not.
I hate getting in these moods. Death sucks.
Posted by Albatross at February 23, 2006 8:20 PM | TrackBack